The dusk shrouded
My bosom
Inside took I a flux of air
To feel your fragrant hair
As dark as your desire.
Your radiance shone
On my tender breast
Unveiling me.
I was laid etherized upon
Your flame of passion.
Your fingers played gently
And browsed me swiftly.
Your lips murmured into my ears---
Your voice penetrating deep
As if felt the pierce of ten thousand pricks!
Motionless I stood upon
Your flaming lust---
Engulfed by unsaturated thirst.
I wriggled in vain
Mercilessly you opened my heart
To measure its girth
My dissected body kept
Wide, wide open, naked
To bear irrepressible torment.
I watched your 'kind' fingers sewed
My agony with elegance
Never to splatter again.
My insentient senses but were heaved
To die an eternal death!
3 comments:
aaha!!!looks even better with all the trendiness of the blog page...this piece is really beautiful...
The poem started with a passionate note but ended with a depressed emotional outburst of a love-torn soul.
some of the metaphors are actually well laid out.However some of the words are rather gruesome. the ordering of the stanzas could have been more thought out.there is a lack of continuity in them.When already the cold eyes have captured the soul and tore the spine then what is the need of surrendering it further to them. Also the 'kind fingers' metaphor somehow doesn't fit.
But overall, the poem has a good flow and the spontaenity is touching.
Bubun, I am sorry to post mortem it. But you asked for it.
Thanks a lot Didi! I was looking forward to it! Yep some words are redundant, may be I can edit the poem! The 'kind fingers' was sarcastically used to heighten the effect. Do you think I should have used 'kind' within the single quote?
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